Faster Rusty Goat!

If you've been keepin' up with me lately, you know I've been up to something...and you know I ain't been talkin'. That's pretty much the way it's been up at work...I ain't been talkin'. That's completely out of character for me...for quite a while now I'd pop in to work on a Monday morning with a crazy story or two about my weekend adventures. It was usually good for a laugh, a few insincere comments, and some unwanted advice. A few weeks ago the stories stopped...and they knew I was up to something. When a few co-workers spotted me out the next Friday night, they discovered what it was and by mid-day the following Monday everybody at work knew. Still, I remained silent. Over the course of the next week, co-workers began searching out my Facebook page and by the end of the week I had a dozen of them hanging around on there...just waiting to see if they could learn more about my secret. I stopped by an office of a couple of gals the next Tuesday, stuck my head in and said, "Hey, what's up?" The two women inside continued working. The one with her back to me said in a testy voice, "Well here it is Tuesday and you haven't told us about your weekend yet. Did you dance with lots of girls?" I paused and smiled. I knew they already knew the answer. "No, I just danced with one." She replied, "Well that is completely out of character for you." I looked at the blonde across the table for her, who just glanced up and continued her work. I decided it was time to move on. These were the women who took me under their wings last year after a rough divorce. They nursed me back to health. They catered to me, they babied me, they picked me up whenever I stumbled, brushed me off, and pushed me back out there. They told me how to cook a roast, enlightened me to the fact that a dryer has a lint filter. They told me how to fix a little girl's hair and how to make a woman happy. In return I shared my wild stories about the crazy women I met up at the bar every week. I had become their little project...like a baby bird that had fallen from it's nest. They were alway willing to listen to my tales, throw in a giggle now and then, and offer their advice. When I was having a difficult time getting a girl off my back a few months ago, one had advised me.."Tell her you're gay." I rejected that advice, "Hell no, I ain't telling her I'm gay!" The other one said, "Well then tell her you want to sleep with her. Either she'll get mad and leave you alone...or maybe you'll get lucky. Either way you win." In the recent weeks I had neglected to tell them about my newest adventure and when they heard about it from the co-workers that had 'caught me in the act' they apparently were a tiny bit offended that I had not confided in them. I had just gotten back to my office when the phone rang...it was the blonde. "So, is this the woman I picked for you?" I answerd the question with a "Huh?" I thought for a second, "I don't think you and I have had any conversation about this girl." "Yes..about two months ago. You told me you had just met this woman...and you told me about her and I said, 'OK, I pick her." I laughed, "Good gosh, you have a memory. Yes, that would be her." She replied, "OK, I'm good with that. Maybe she can keep you away from all those psyco women you keep finding. You better get a move on...you aren't getting any younger!" I sighed, "I think y'all are really jumping the gun here. All I did was dance with her all night." "...and when was the last time you danced with just one woman?" I paused and replied, "Never." "That's what I thought." ...click. Just as I layed the receiver down, the phone rang again. "...by the way,did you ever decide who sings 'The Bluest Eyes in Texas?" I laughed, "Restless Heart...now I got one..who sings 'Good Night for Dancing?" She popped off, "Josh Abbott Band. I have the CD ordered. I'll burn you a copy...click. I wandered by the girls' office this past Monday. They yelled out, "...and how was this weekend?" I paused and stuck my head in the door, "It was good..." The blonde stared into my eyes, "But?" I shrugged, "I think maybe I'm not moving fast enough." The other woman turned her head, "...and just how fast are you moving?" I smiled and replied, "I'm thinkin' I'm just standing still. I got the chasing women down to a fine art...but I ain't got a clue what to do when I catch one." They smiled, "Well, step in here and we'll tell ya." I stopped by their office Wednesday morning and smiled at them. They looked up and both asked, "So...how was your dinner date last night?" I gave them a thumbs up and a big grin and turned to leave. The blonde hollered to me, "Remember...move faster!" Our usual group made it's way across the parking lot at five o'clock this afternoon. I raised my arms and shouted, "Tomorrow's Friday!" The two women laughed..."...and you are going dancing!" I smiled, "Yes...and I get to pick her up at her house and take her dancing!" One said to the other, "We are going to have to go up there and watch them dance." They chattered about the thought as they reached their cars. I paused as the blonde unlocked her car and got inside. She looked up at me and smiled and said, "I'm so glad to see you smile...to see you happy. It's important to me that you're happy. I care about you, you know." I looked down at her and replied, "Thanks for caring." I shut her car door and gave her a wave. As I made my way toward my pickup, I felt a lump in my throat and swallowed as if I could make it go away. I sat in my truck and watched each of the women drive off. I smiled as I lit a cigarette ...they had invested a whole year in me. I realized I would not be where I am today without those two. I started the pickup and eased out of the parking lot. "Surely I can handle it from here." I said to myself, "That's all a man needs...a bunch of women running his life!"

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